#0

 i haven't used this for over 14 years now! not even realising it existed for all this time, it was like a little time capsule to the sort of person i was when i was 12. luckily i took a screenshot before i converted it all to default because it really needed to be preserved. still i couldnt really use it in that state, not like how i want to use it now anyway. ill repost the image if i can for memory's sake (edit: below lol)

i can't believe it! white on white - idk what i was thinking, or maybe it looked different on my monitor back then? not even gonna talk about the way i typed, though maybe in another 14 years ill look back at this and wonder why i typed like this so - could be a circle of life thing

all in all i don't really know how to sum up how my life has been, which is probably a difficult task for most people (can only assume). but there has been some good progress! i think if i had found this a year or so ago, or even six months, i would've violently, urgently purged everything to do with it out of pure embarassment - maybe shame? -  but now my thoughts don't really go in that direction. i think it was a time where i was purely myself and is a valid expression of my personhood, more than i've felt anytime recently anyway 

maybe i can use the idea of this blog to spur myself into learning HTML but that feels like a lethal dose of wishful thinking if you ask me 

anyway this feels a lot more oldschool nowadays, and better than other social media- less short-form and more thinking(!), maybe more practical than physical journals like i've been keeping, no bad handwriting to keep up with & more convenient. however always possibility of the servers getting nuked and deleting everything, but maybe theres a way of keeping backups? i dont know - but feels good to think about right now. i wont commit myself to anything i know i cant keep so ill just write and post anything that comes to mind when i want to. that feels good to me, which is all that matters